To Be Included...

I haven't written lately for a couple of reasons, one, is that I went back to work and I haven't had much time and two, so much has been going on, I can't keep up with it all!  There is a lot a can talk about, but I am going to spend sometime on the twins and the lessons they continue to teach me.

First off, Michael and Matthew continue to get stronger every day.  Watching there progression has been a site to behold.  Matthew is able to get up on his knees by himself and play.  That may sound like not a big achievement but, for him it is HUGE!  He has spent his life so far not having the strength to raise himself up.  The only time he has been able to sit up, is if someone sat him up.  Every time he does it, he is beaming.  He is so proud of himself and he should be.  He has to work hard to do the everyday things that I take for granted.  He does it with such joy.

Then there is the contrast, me.  I have been running and lifting weights in last month or so.  It has felt good, but, if I only had half the attitude that Matthew has, I would be doing so much better.  I complain when I'm running, "it's hard, it hurts, I don't want to".  Granted, I do feeling good when I'm done but, I certainly don't do it with joy.  I try to think about Matthew when I run. How much he would love to run around the backyard but can't yet.  How much I would love to see him run.  I watch Christopher run around the yard and sometimes my heart is sad because I would love to see the twins do that.  The twins aren't sad though, they are just happy to be outside and be included. 

Inclusion.  Isn't that what we all want, is to be included.  To be a part of something that gives us meaning.  To know that we are loved.  As a parent, you want so much for your children.  I think I put on them, especially the twins, what I think will make them happy and how they are not happy because they are not doing x,y,z...  I am learning that all they want is to be included.  The other week we took our family to a zoo up in GA.  It was a beautiful day and the kids were having a great time.  There was a slide that Michael wanted to go down.  He couldn't climb it so, my husband took him up. There were some kids trying to go on the slide as well.  They started telling my husband and Michael to hurry up and asking why my husband was on the slide.  He told them that Michael's legs were bad.  Then they continued to be pushy when Abigail was trying to sit with Michael to go down the slide with him.  When Mark first told me the story, I became Mommy the Protector, and thought, how could this kids be so rude!  I realized then that these kids probably have no experience with kids with disabilities.  What a blessing it is for our other three children to have such mercy and compassion at their young age.  I know I didn't have it when I was their age.   

I know I started in one place and the beginning of this and now I feel like I'm finishing in another.  The lessons that I have been learning through the lives of my children have been profound.  I feel like I'm getting to experience things in life that a lot of people don't; either because they haven't been touched by it in some way or they choose not to.  It isn't always easy (in fact it really hurts sometimes), and I know that there will be heartbreak a long the way but, there will also be JOY.  To be honest with myself, if I would have known the path that God had laid out before me, I would have went running the other way (and sometimes I still go running)!  All I can do and any of us can do is trust that God will always be with us, guiding us, loving us.  How would have Mary felt if she knew the path before her.  The heartbreak of her only Son being crucified and seeing him die.  If she would have known that and turned and run, she would have never experienced the joy of the resurrection.