Back Again!

It has been a long time since I last blogged!  So much has been going on.  I thought of trying to capture it all here but it would be WAY to long!  So I am going to start with what I have been doing the last 4 almost 5 months.  My focus since the beginning of the year has been my health.  I had started doing P90X last year and was starting to see results but my diet was not as good as it could of been.  I stopped doing it because I started to get discouraged that I wasn't seeing the results I was hoping for.
 At the beginning of this year, I start another program of Beachbody's called Turbofire.  It is an intense cardio workout.  It reminds me of Jazzercise, except on steroids :-)  I have been having so much fun doing it! I have noticed that I have continued to get stronger, more cardiovascular endurance and have lost some inches.  What I haven't been losing is the weight.  In the past 4 months I have lost about 5 lbs.  I was surprised to say the least.  I have been eating well and exercising 6 days a week, so what is the problem?  I had recently gone for a physical and blood work and found out that I have a Vitamin D deficiency and my thyroid was not functioning properly.  I am not officially hypothyroid yet, but I am on the fast track to it.  At first when I found out, I was happy because I felt like I found the answer to my weight loss issue.  What happened next surprised me.  I started to find myself feeling very discouraged about the whole situation.  I have been busting my bottom for almost 5 months now and not much to show for it!?!  I really began to spiral down a hole I didn't want to go into. I have been feeling like this is all too much work.  What is the alternative though?  Not eat well, not exercise, not mentally take care of myself?  I already know what the consequences of that is and I don't like them. 
I read a quote on someones FB page that said, "There are 3 choices in life: give up, give in or give it all you got".  It is easy to give up or give in.   To give it all you got is hard, but I have to believe the payoff  will make it worth it.  Besides, I have 5 precious lives that count on me and they need to have a healthy mom and  a mom that they can look up too. 
I hope and one of my goals is to use this blog to keep me accountable.  I will also share news about the kids and the great progress, Michael and Matthew have been making in leaving with cerebral palsy and overcoming it.  I live with 2 sources of amazing inspiration.  I need to remember that and look beyond the 4 year old twin terrorists that they are right now ;-)  They are the hardest working kids I know!

To Be Included...

I haven't written lately for a couple of reasons, one, is that I went back to work and I haven't had much time and two, so much has been going on, I can't keep up with it all!  There is a lot a can talk about, but I am going to spend sometime on the twins and the lessons they continue to teach me.

First off, Michael and Matthew continue to get stronger every day.  Watching there progression has been a site to behold.  Matthew is able to get up on his knees by himself and play.  That may sound like not a big achievement but, for him it is HUGE!  He has spent his life so far not having the strength to raise himself up.  The only time he has been able to sit up, is if someone sat him up.  Every time he does it, he is beaming.  He is so proud of himself and he should be.  He has to work hard to do the everyday things that I take for granted.  He does it with such joy.

Then there is the contrast, me.  I have been running and lifting weights in last month or so.  It has felt good, but, if I only had half the attitude that Matthew has, I would be doing so much better.  I complain when I'm running, "it's hard, it hurts, I don't want to".  Granted, I do feeling good when I'm done but, I certainly don't do it with joy.  I try to think about Matthew when I run. How much he would love to run around the backyard but can't yet.  How much I would love to see him run.  I watch Christopher run around the yard and sometimes my heart is sad because I would love to see the twins do that.  The twins aren't sad though, they are just happy to be outside and be included. 

Inclusion.  Isn't that what we all want, is to be included.  To be a part of something that gives us meaning.  To know that we are loved.  As a parent, you want so much for your children.  I think I put on them, especially the twins, what I think will make them happy and how they are not happy because they are not doing x,y,z...  I am learning that all they want is to be included.  The other week we took our family to a zoo up in GA.  It was a beautiful day and the kids were having a great time.  There was a slide that Michael wanted to go down.  He couldn't climb it so, my husband took him up. There were some kids trying to go on the slide as well.  They started telling my husband and Michael to hurry up and asking why my husband was on the slide.  He told them that Michael's legs were bad.  Then they continued to be pushy when Abigail was trying to sit with Michael to go down the slide with him.  When Mark first told me the story, I became Mommy the Protector, and thought, how could this kids be so rude!  I realized then that these kids probably have no experience with kids with disabilities.  What a blessing it is for our other three children to have such mercy and compassion at their young age.  I know I didn't have it when I was their age.   

I know I started in one place and the beginning of this and now I feel like I'm finishing in another.  The lessons that I have been learning through the lives of my children have been profound.  I feel like I'm getting to experience things in life that a lot of people don't; either because they haven't been touched by it in some way or they choose not to.  It isn't always easy (in fact it really hurts sometimes), and I know that there will be heartbreak a long the way but, there will also be JOY.  To be honest with myself, if I would have known the path that God had laid out before me, I would have went running the other way (and sometimes I still go running)!  All I can do and any of us can do is trust that God will always be with us, guiding us, loving us.  How would have Mary felt if she knew the path before her.  The heartbreak of her only Son being crucified and seeing him die.  If she would have known that and turned and run, she would have never experienced the joy of the resurrection.