Tuesday, February 8, 2011

How Did This Happen?

Well, I never imagined myself writing a blog but, here I am ready to tell the world about my life and the lessons I learn everyday from it.  To start, my name is Allison and I am a wife and mother of 5 beautiful children.  My eldest is a girl, who it 7 and then I have 4 boys (yes, 4), there ages are 6, 3 year old twins and a 17 month old.  As anyone can imagine, life is never dull in my home.  My twins, Michael and Matthew have cerebral palsy.  They were born 8 weeks early back in 2008.  Despite their challenges (they do not walk yet), they are the smartest, happiest boys you could ever meet.  I will write more about them later.  Needless to say, life in our home is far from what "normal" is considered. 
The reason I thought to start a blog is simple, I wanted to share my experience in hopes of helping others as well as help myself.  A couple of months ago a hit the lowest point I have ever experienced in my life.  At the end of November last year I experienced THE WORST panic attack I have ever faced in my life and it crushed me.  After having it, my nerves were shot.  It was so bad, that I had to be hospitalized for a few days to get on medication to help me deal with it.  I had never been away from my children for that long and it was torture.  I had experienced anxiety/panic attacks since I was about 19 years old but, I had never had them effect me to such an extent.  After getting out of the hospital I thought I would recover quickly, the medication would take effect pretty fast and I would be back to "normal".  That is not what happened.  It has taken time and months for me to start feeling like my feet are back under me.  During this time, I have learned a lot about myself and what happened to get me here.
The day before I had the panic attack, I was fine.  I was laughing and playing with my kids and it was a normal day.  The next day I was hit with the attack at work and all I could think was, "where did this come from?"  Well, it didn't happen overnight.  It took years of broken sleep, not taking care of myself physically, mentally and emotionally and not dealing with my anxiety issues that brought me to this point.  As a mother of five young children, my husband, Mark and I are very busy and it is easy to lose yourself in the day to day of life in a big family plus, being a big family with two children with special needs.  This moment in my life has changed me forever and I believe for the better.  God always brings good out of even the worst situations and God has been carrying me and my family through this.  I have learned that if you don't take care of yourself, you are no good to anyone.  It is a big responsibility to be blessed with raising children.  I am a control freak and it has been a hard lesson for me to learn that I can not control everything.  It is a lesson that I am still trying to learn.  I believe though with time comes healing but, we must be patient for it.  In today's world, we are so accustomed to quick fixes and easy outs.  When things like this happen, we are reminded that there are no quick fixes in life (not that last anyway) and that part of life is learning to be patient and wait and during that time we can truly experience God's love and mercy in our lives. 
So , what have a started to do to help the healing process?  Well, for one, I am sleeping much better.  Number 2, I am exercising almost everyday.  Number 3, I am trying to eat better.  Number 4, I am trying to relax and have more fun with my family and Number 5 I am back on a daily vitamin regime that consists of a multi-vitamin, Omegas, B and C, carotenoids and a probiotic. www.shaklee.net/allisonclow All of these together, are pieces of the puzzle to make for a better life for me and for my family. 
I wish I could say I was all better now and the anxiety attacks have stopped.  It has gotten a lot better but, there is still a road ahead to travel.  Being with my family and friends has been a great way to help me heal.  That is all for now, the twins just got out of speech therapy and they are hungry!  Until next time... 


  1. What an awesome first post! God does indeed find ways to show us how much He is for us even in our worst times!

    Looking forward to future posts!

  2. Hello again,

    I had to go back to your first few posts to get a "background", so happy I did...for sure will be back around!!

    :) Ginger